Life rarely slows down enough to give its' beautiful moments their due credit, but this week I have had two moments that must not be passed without acknowledgement. The first was watching my new friend help a total stranger as he begged for change, and the second was joining hands with family around the bedside of my dying Granny just moments before she passed from this world. As we speak I have laundry to finish folding and put away, a closet rod to hang, dishes to wash, and lunches to pack. As I go through the motions of the daily chores that I seem never to get fully on top of, my mind pulls me back to the beautiful things that have and are taking place. After what felt like a season of "wandering," my heart rejoices over the beauty that God is creating before my eyes as new relationships are being eternally built.
A few days ago I opened Microsoft Word and noticed the title of my last entry: "Lord we need a change." It reminded me where I was 1 month ago... Finances had gone from tight to tighter; I had made some decisions about my job a few weeks previous that "felt right" but didn't quite make sense. I had decided to work closer to our home at a new YMCA, but I was working less hours and making less money. Now I have 6 kids under my significantly discounted family membership and they are all getting their turn doing tumbling, basketball or anything else they want. I now see why certain decisions felt right... it was because God knew what was coming. This is merely one example of how He cleared my schedule, making it possible for us to add 4 kids to our lives for 3 months. It is exhausting, no doubt, but it is working. I know the only reason it is working is because God intended for it to work.
I expected things to be busy, and for my life to change... and it certainly has. There is rarely a moment that I don't feel like I am running 100 miles a minute or playing catch up on some area in life. Keeping the house picked up and laundry done and a decent amount of order is difficult but something I am determined to do. I struggle to figure out how to make time for email, check book balancing, mail sorting (blogging)... basically anything that requires focus. Last weekend Jeremy and I took everyone to the park, I think there were 7 kids in all and I actually jammed all my bills in my purse thinking I could do a little bill pay from my phone at the park. I am chuckling to myself now at the thought that that would even be possible.
Most evenings we eat dinner at my parents house (I buy, she cooks :) and the boys have ample time to focus on homework and play outside with friends. The other 2 plus my 2 come home with me for homework and bedtime. Without having my parents 3 doors down, there is no way this would work and I am so grateful for their desire to come along side us and fulfill this need. Even though we seem to have some picky eaters, the only one's going without these days are our animals... I seem to forget about feeding them with the influx of human mouths to feed... :) The kids have adjusted to their new school and circumstances very well. They are also very big Jeremy Johnson fans... we can hardly drive down the block without having his CD blaring. It is pretty cute though, and funny when they call him "Jeremy Johnson".
But there are some things I didn't expect. I didn't expect to build a solid relationship with the kids' Mom. I didn't expect to be floored by her sheer determination to "make it", by her thankfulness to God who has been so kind to her, or by her immediate desire to help others.
This past Sunday she and I and two of the kids were driving home from church when we passed a man holding a cardboard sign that said something like "Need work, 2 boys, last resort." We didn't go much more than a block before she said, "Why don't we go back and talk to him?" My heart had gone out to that guy many times before; I had even bought him Steak n Shake a few weeks previous. But I had never thought to stop and talk to him. His world seemed too far from mine... but not her's. This girl has known what it's like to struggle, to ask for help and not find it, to feel like you have no other choice. So I dropped her off in the median, and circled around to park and see what would happen. After a few minutes of chatting, he was following her back to my car. Turns out his needs weren't Steak n Shake. Turns out he has 3 kids at home but thought he looked so young no one would believe him. Turns out he had already had the police called on him by the other local beggars because he wouldn't join them in their drug sales. Turns out he had to come up with $100 by the end of the day to keep from getting evicted. My friend looked at me and said, "So what do you think we should do? I already told him I could get him a job with me..." I figured I could round up $100 in 2 1/2 hours. She got him an interview and we delivered the money to his door. It was incredible to see her in action, extending a hand to others so shortly after a hand was extended to her. I felt like an innocent bystander to something beautiful God had been carefully planning.
Today I sat down to read a chapter in James. In chapter 2 James points out the flaws of saying but not doing. I couldn't help but apply it to the situation with the man who needed help. "Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes or daily food. If one of you says to him, '"Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,"' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?" I certainly would have been the well-wisher, the Steak n Shake buyer, but why would I never have thought to stop and just ask him what he needed? I could stand to learn a few things for my friend's simplicity of faith and love.
Last evening my family received a call from my Granny's nursing home. She was dying and most likely would not make it through the night. I had prayed for the Lord to take her many times in previous years. Her health had been failing after a stroke quite a few years back. Her strong body had hung on so much longer than anyone expected. Every time I prayed for her, I envisioned her immediate family around her bedside, praying for God to take her swiftly to the place where her body would be restored and she would be completely and eternally loved. Last night my mom and sister and I met in her room with other immediate family members. We chit chatted, had our moments with Granny, kissing her cheek and touching her flesh for the last time. Just before we left, we all held hands around her bedside and thanked God for this woman who made our lives possible, and prayed for her moment of completion to come soon. We left and 15 minutes later she died. I have come to realize that life's most complete moments... the ones' where God feels so present... are the one's where beauty and tragedy are intertwined. When these two extremes come together, it is the most real and alive emotion I have ever felt.
So today I sit here thankful... even though beds are unmade and laundry is unfolded. I am thankful for what God has done, for the beauty that He brings to an otherwise decaying world, and for the fact that He orchestrates life's events perfectly, according to his own good and perfect timing.
