Haiti, Vegas.... and a Pickle

The Johnson's are in a pickle.  Probably the biggest pickle we have been in in at least 4 years.  Life changing decisions must be made.... and it's soooooooooo hard.

So, I invite you to step right in to the middle of The Johnson's Life.

First, however, we must re-visit Vegas.

In my  previous post I began the careful investigation of doing a compare/contrast between my travels to Haiti in January 2012 and Vegas in January 2013.  Turns out there is much more to say about how I function in both of these locations.... more than the differences in the places themselves.  I could attempt to compare the differences in the people... the humility of the Haitians vs the entitlement of the Vegas-goers.  I could compare the very fact that a 3 1/2 hour plane ride to the West takes me to a concrete paradise built strictly for fun and wasting money, while a similar plane ride to the South takes me to a poverty-striken country where children run around naked and starving and die of disease and starvation daily... but I won't.

I would rather comment on the change I saw in myself as I compare my own behavior in the opposite environments of Haiti and Las Vegas.  First of all I was slightly disgusted at the amount of money wasting that went on.  It practically seemed like people brought wads of cash to purposely throw around carelessly... and as much as I desired to stick to spending only the cash that we brought... I eventually justified spending $100 over what we had planned because of this mentality.  Everyone else was doing it, so why did I need to be such a tight wad???  Funny because I remember being in Haiti and running out of money towards the end of the trip.  One of the older kids at the orphanage had his original artwork for sale... and it was beautiful.  But I was running low and wanted to be sure I had enough money to get home.  His artwork was selling for $25 and it was worth every penny.  He implored....I declined.  Funny how easily I justified overspending in Vegas just because everyone else seemed to be.  But to think of how much more my overspending would have benefitted this boy in Haiti is incomparable.
Overall I found that my own personal needs skyrocketed while in Vegas.  I expected things to be a certain way and found myself frustrated when they weren't.  I found that I was thouroughly annoyed on the airplane when I sat next to a twenty-something kid looking at women's fashion magazines, gawking with his nose pressed an inch away from a scantily clad woman.  I was almost pushed over the edge by this kids' inability to breathe with his mouth closed.  To make matters worse, every time he coughed he refused to cover his mouth and instead allowed his germs to roll freshly off his tongue and onto his lap.  YUCK!!  I'm still bothered by it.  But I dare say had I sat next to that kid on my way home from Haiti I probably would have struck up a conversation with him and ended up talking about his childhood.  My heart was in a different place.  One trip was meant to serve, and the other was meant to be served.  Maybe one day I will find that I will be the exact same person in both locations....

I won't be so stubborn as to say I didn't thoroughly enjoy myself in Vegas... because I did.  Jeremy and I had a phenomenal time and we are both thankful for the incredible opportunity this was for the advancement of his music career.  After his show, I had numerous people raise their eyebrows in surprise and say, "your married to that guy???"  He and the band severely kicked butt and made some major impressions.  I have an incredibly talented husband who has been writing beautiful music within the walls of our home for over 10 years now.  His music career is advancing as he has impressed some  of the right people for sure...but unfortunately impressing people doesn't quite pay our mortgage.  Welcome to the struggle we now find ourselves in.

Two Tuesday's ago... the day we left for Vegas, Jeremy got a call from his boss... his position is ending... their moving his position to Denver... he's getting laid off.  We contemplate moving to Denver for 2 seconds and then realize he's always wanted to quit his job anyway so Denver is out of the question.  Next he starts calling people that might be able to give him a job.  He gets an interview... the job description is great for him; not in music at all but a job he would enjoy none the less... a job he could work up in and grow... a job that would pay more... a job that would demand more of him of course.  It seems like a shoo in... like there should be no debate.  He should take the job.

But somewhere from deep within both of us, there is this little music baby whose crying and wants to be heard.  The music baby suggests that maybe now is the time to give music all you have, to do it full time and see where it goes.  To pursue it in every way possible, and see what doors God might open.

Now, to think that Jeremy could replace his income with just music gigs is quite a stretch.... I know.  It wouldn't work unless we started eating our animals and Addi would never forgive us for eating her guinea pig so that's just not an option.

But what is an option is allowing Jeremy to works toward becoming a full time musician while I take a part time job (an incredible job God has especially prepared me to do... no joke) to help out with some of the monthly expenses.  This option is more than possible as I have a job opportunity that I only need to say 'yes' to.

So.... one path holds an AWESOME part-time job for me as Jeremy works toward becoming a full time musician (this option is a leap of faith and holds no guarantees... but sounds exciting as we would go wherever music would take us).
OR
Jeremy takes a good paying consistent full-time job, with music on the side (this is the more practical side... not much risk here at all, and music would only be on the weekends at best).

My heart has SO been for Jeremy's music for such a long time.  God has given him an incredible ability in song writing and I am so passionate about what his music is about.  He can capture a moment like none other.  Tonight in the car I was blaring Meaning to the Madness and found myself sinking into each line, remembering their origins:

How peculiar that I posses the choice to put myself in your shoes.  We're all just one breath away from cold devastating news.  I'm gonna, open my eyes and let my chest feel the pain, so none of these things I do make this mess in vein...

These lines came from one of the many difficult seasons we faced.  Jeremy lost his best friend from High School in a ridiculous skate boarding accident.  His friend was a father of 3 himself and he died on Father's Day.  He also lost his Grandpa that same year... he crashed his own airplane.   We both came to the realization that death could come knocking on anyone's door at anytime and we were no exception.  But when someone you love dearly dies, you don't return to life quite the same.  Something in you screams... something changes, it has to.  Or else you struggle in vein.

That same year Jeremy and I grew more and more sickened by the terrible things that happen to children.  He got very attached to one story out of Idaho... a sweet young boy who was forced to have weekend visitation with his mother was beaten to death by her boyfriend.  The song Bleedingkeys was born out of that story alone.  Little angels mistreated by the ones that they trust.

I also visited the city of Joplin after it was torn to shreds by an F-5 tornado.  What happened there was absolutely gut wrenching.  I explained to him the story of one family eating dinner and seeing the twister heading straight toward them, dropped their forks and ran to the closet seconds before the tornado took their home.  They survived but so many did not...storms rage and people brace as hearts beat and bust.

And then of course there's the babies in any third world country... I witnessed their life and death in Haiti... who literally live their lives every day, starving.... and then they die.  Babies are starving and their turning to dust.

And this is just one song.  Every song is loaded with meaning and real life experience.  In my mind the music must be pursued.  But my husband is a good man who holds practicality in high regard and has not much interest in taking a risk when his family is at stake.

So it's your turn.  Weigh in on this with us!!  Especially if you are fans of Jeremy Johnson!!