The Johnson Family: Ode to Addi Grace

I always knew one day I would write about her. It's just that I have blocked out so much. The majority of our relationship has been comprised of constant turmoil with brief periods of unexpected grace.

She is my daughter. Addison Grace, whom today turned 8 years old. The dimple on her over sized cheek when she grins her incredible grin is a total misnomer. Her middle name is yet to describe her disposition. She is tiny for her age and seems harmless, but she is small and mighty. Very small and very mighty.

Her birth rocked my world. I remembering seeing other mothers with their babies who seamlessly transitioned into motherhood without a glitch. Mine was full of glitches. She screamed at me for everything and during her first year she would only fall asleep at night because she had exhausted herself from all the crying.

I look back at our first 3 years together and feel dizzy with memories of tantrums, door slamming and baby profanity (as I call it). I'll never forget when the lightbulb went on in my head when she was about 3 1/2, and I realized that I was dealing with a strong willed child. So strong, in fact, that at different points in her first 3 years of life, my mother-in-law would call her temper "the worst she's ever seen," and my own mother would throw her hands up in the air and say, "I don't know Emma, your on your own!!"

I had been so sure that her temper had been just a "phase" and that loving her the right way would melt her determined will and kindly call her into submission to her all-knowing, all-wise mother. This was not to be, I would have to learn another way.

When she was two she got a baby brother that she was mostly happy about, but not entirely.

When she was only three she declared that she couldn't wait to "move out" where there are "no mean mommy's and mean daddy's and she could live by herself." This fierce independence was no joke. During the year of three, Addi, Sam and I all flew to Oregon by ourselves. I had to change Sam's diaper and I required that Addi come with us to the bathroom. She begged to stay in her seat. I considered it for a moment, not really wanting to cram 3 of us into the airplane's bathroom, but decided she'd better come with me. She looked at me, read my mind like she always does and said, "Mommy, I promise, if anyone tries to take me... I'll kill them!" These were her exact words.

When she was four she started trying to be smarter than me: "Addi it's time for a bath." "No it's not. It's time to play with play dough. Simon didn't say to take a bath. I'm Simon and Simon says to play with play dough."

When she was five she declared she knew who she wanted to marry. I said "that's great! We'll just have to wait and see what God has in store for you two!" She said, "What? I don't care what God thinks, I'm marrying Jaxen when I'm 18!"

When she was six she lost her first tooth, grew her hair to her rear end, started calling her Grandma by her first name (Pam), and tried to dress her guinea pig up like a rat for Halloween. At this age she actually did become smarter than me every now and then. Once I gave her a Rubik's cube to try and figure out while in the back seat of the car. After about 5 minutes she said, "Mom I got one side completely matched!" I was surprised, but assumed it was possible. Five more minutes passed and she exclaimed, "Mom I got another side all matched!" Now I was really surprised, and praised her for figuring it out! I told her to tell her dad as soon as we got home. When she did, I asked, "What did Dad say about the Rubik's cube?" She looked down and said, "Oh, he figured it out....I just switched the stickers around...."

When she was seven she started drinking her beverages out of a martini glass.... and she still called her Grandma by her first name. She also started showing signs of such bravery, never shedding a tear when taking a hard fall off her bike, and responding to emergency situations with a calm, cool and collected head. Like when Tok got a bone lodged vertically in his mouth, forcing it in the open position (it was this way for at least an hour before I noticed...) Addi calmly held his jaw and we forced it out, while Sam ran through the house wailing.

Her guinea pig is her saving grace. She's had him since she was 6; she adores this thing, treats it like her own baby and she his mama. When she cries she runs to him and he (no lie) licks the tears off her face. He crawled into my lap the other day while she and I were sitting side by side. Addi seeing him says, "Ferdie doesn't like you. He told me. He doesn't like his Grandma."

Sometimes I respond to her in ways she can understand, like in terms of guinea pigs. I say to her, "Addi, what if you got a grumpy guinea pig? What if he ran from you every time you tried to hold him? What if he growled in your face when you tried to kiss his cheek?"

She gets it. Totally gets it, and yells, "I"M NOT A GRUMPY GUINEA PIG!!!!"

In the past eight years, this girl has made me question myself, made me cry when I find myself at my wits end acting in ways I never imagined, and even has made me want to give up on being her mom (for at least a day!) She challenges me practically every day we are together, constantly calling my methods into question and refusing to comply to my ways... but at the end of the day, she forces me into self reflection in a way a compliant child would not. She's an incredible force to be reckoned with, but in the end she has probably made me a better parent because of it all. It helps that she has an awesome Dad who is more patient with her than me. She has always adored her Daddy, and he has always made a better effort than me at seeing life from her perspective.